The point of being too comfortable

In the midst of my usual quiet and alone time this morning, I unexpectedly received a message from a friend who wanted to share the recent status of her relationship with her boyfriend. A few experiences on the matter does not make me a guru but I felt really humbled that she chose me as her confidant. I cherish the times that my friends come to me asking for an advice or just a listening ear. All the while they thought I was only helping them but in reality, they are also returning the favor to me - by making me feel that I am needed and I personally think it is living a life with purpose.

Apparently, her boyfriend is calling their relationship to a close but she hasn't accepted it yet. And based on her stories, it maybe because the man is already talking and hanging out with someone else. They have been together for the longest time now; shared numerous birthdays, monthsaries, anniversaries, a list of favorite restaurants to go to, bought countless of couple stuff together and yet a day like this will come that one will utter the words, "Ayoko na." It is a statement we can only wish is a joke but most often than not, it is the truth. It hurts to hear her say she will wait for him to change his mind and just come back to her. What if it will never happen? How will the man realize her true worth if she will always be the one to offer peace even if that meant lowering her pride to five levels? All because she thinks this is the only and BEST relationship she can have. I know that there are plenty of reasons why a relationship ends but I would like to focus on one thing here - the point of being TOO comfortable. I'd like to think it causes stagnation and lack of inclination to do more.

One of the many goals when in a romantic relationship is to get to know the person: his/her basic profile, the things they like and dislike, the places they have and would want to visit. After knowing the nitty-gritty of it, we try to adjust and pattern our lives, even unintentionally, to our partners. And anything done in routine eventually gets tiring and boring. It is fortunate if both of you felt it and have done something to address it, but others are just too lazy to fix a leaking faucet so they just buy a new plumbing system. At the first sight of love, we cannot get enough of each other, we hold their hands and never let it go. We glance at them all the time like there is always a possibility of them leaving. We always tell them I love you's like it is a period - a way to end every sentence. We get comfortable that every time there will be misunderstandings, we can just get over it through the "sleep now, deal with (or forget about it) tomorrow morning" mantra.

Undoubtedly, during the first few months there is a need for us to discover our partners and in the course we open ourselves to trying out their ways and to some extent make it a part of our lifestyle too. We do it to make them happy and show them that we are very much willing to be part of the world they live in. All the while it seems to us it is enough, it is the only way to please them and to put smiles on their faces. But we should not forget that from the time we decided to be together, we have the obligation of proving to them everyday that we are deserving of their love, effort and time. The "trying to win" part should not stop when we are comfortable with each other because there are thousands of other ways to show it! And it hit me, we can never really be assured if the one we are with right now will also be the same person we will spend our lifetime with. Because not everyone can stand by the choices they make. Not the amount of photos and gifts accumulated nor the length of time spent together can determine if you are meant to be together. Afraid to get in a serious commitment now? The good news is, it can be measured by the willingness and effort you put in the relationship to make it work. 

Thinking outside the box of romantic relationships, the point of being too comfortable also affects us in other aspects of our lives. It can make us decline to try new projects, activities or even a new job because we're afraid that we may not carry it out the way it is expected of us as compared in our current work where we can do it even if our eyes are closed. Thus, eliminating the chance of career growth of an employee. A child can assume he/she can answer back in any way possible to his/her parents or do whatever they please. This is most especially true if the parents developed a culture wherein their children can treat them as best friends that at times can get the latter confused on the proper hierarchy of roles.

I hope you won't get me wrong, we need to be at ease with our partners or any of our relationships for that matter. But as they say, life is like a winding road of different circumstances, and I can compare being TOO comfortable to a precautionary sign - we have to keep on moving forward but that sometimes we also have to make unnecessary turns or head to the opposite direction for us to grow and find places more wonderful in contrast to our current comfort zones.