What's next after saying "YES?"

Preparing for a wedding is not a walk in the park. Stress and panic does not choose who or when it will visit and it is not particular on whether your celebration is an extravagant or a simple one. To set the expectations right, even if you are the most obsessive compulsive person out there, you will still experience wedding jitters brought about by the hodgepodge of varied and unexplainable emotions. But if at the end of each passing day, you can look at your partner and tell him that he's still the one despite and regardless of the emotional roller-coaster ride, then by all means, hold on to him/her and go on with the preps!

Counting to the remaining three months until the big day, here are the major points I have learned so far:

• Decide on what will be the concept of your dream wedding. Do you want it done on the church? Out of town overlooking a scenic landscape? Civil rites? Identifying what you want will help you narrow down your choices and focus on what is more important. Aren't we all guilty of having a talk with our childhood friends about our dream wedding? I really can't remember what I said back then but I am guessing that the venue is outdoor or in a garden. Fast track to now, I define my dream wedding as getting married to the one I love and cherish. Boring but that's it. Before pop culture and trends started to take us by storm, don't you think this was the concept of an ideal union? It is better to be married to the one you love rather than have an arranged marriage. Remember, no matter how huge your budget is for the wedding, if you are not happy or you don't see your future with the one you're currently with, then the celebration is of no use. 

• Define and go strictly with a budget but don't hang on it too much. Why? Because you will still go overboard. Sounds ironic right? But I can assure you it is tested and proven. One of these will happen: your idea changes over time, there is inflation with the prices of the suppliers, or there are many requests you can't turn down. Speaking based from my experience, if we didn't set our expenses to be at the 150 thousand mark (YES, we budgeted for only a 150!), then probably we'll double that cost at the end of the wedding day. If you set a hard target, even if there are unplanned expenses, it will not be that huge. You tend to tighten your grip to a balloon that is about to fly beyond your reach. Got the analogy there? Move around a budget that is within your means because in reality, wedding is just the first step; the biggest hurdles can be found after the event.

• Define your and your partner's strengths and weaknesses in planning. As stated in my previous blogs, I am a borderline obsessive-compulsive person. I love to organize and plan my action as systematic as possible. More so with my own wedding! I want to think of all the details, regardless of how big or small, from the moment we sleep up to the end of the wedding program the day after. But when things tend to get in my head, Martin is always the one who would get me back at my feet. He always assures me that everything will turn out fine and that I should not compare ourselves to others because we all have our own phase and strategy in accomplishing our goals. Two people who are compatible with each other are not exempted from the saying, "different folks, different strokes." You have to recognize that we all have varying and unique sets of personalities and capabilities. Sometimes, this is where you will have misunderstandings but do not let it always be the case. Match his weakness with your strength and vice versa. Here's another example: Martin is not the type who is keen on planning events. If your partner is the same, don't panic because it doesn't mean that they aren't interested in marrying you anymore. They're just like that, no more, no less. Maybe they have other things they can contribute to your preparations, like money perhaps? Haha!

• Do not be afraid to take that big leap. If not now, when? We always need to start with something, somewhere and somehow. One quote that I happen to browse in the internet struck me and it read, "If you wait until you are ready, you will be waiting for the rest of your life. Start today!" And I cannot agree with it more. While others are busy thinking of buying a house, a car or landing a higher position in their jobs before settling down, here is Martin and I taking that jump off a high cliff, uncertain of what the future will hold. But instead of feeling scared, I'd say that we are more than willing to face tomorrow stronger than ever because we both know that we have each other. It really doesn't matter if you want to focus on your career or any other aspect of your life first. My point here is, don't make it as an excuse not to get married. Because if you have someone you feel like spending the rest of your life with, just make that decision and sail forth despite the high tides. The one who truly loves you isn't afraid of having nothing because he/she has everything in you already. To give you a little motivation, the fiancé and I had almost 10 months of engagement because we are also saving simultaneously with the preparation itself. Kaya niyo din 'yan!

• Do not let modernization and fad take over you. Girls, ignore the people who always ask for The Ring. Hello? Si Sadako ka ba? Guys, you are not always expected to go out of your way and propose in public via flash mob or extreme surprises. Enough of always setting the bar at its highest at first but being a total opposite in the succeeding years. I'd rather have a quiet proposal and a hardworking man who will always see to it that his family are well taken cared of everyday. Sometimes, for us girls, we just need our guys to make that one decision to enter this new chapter because we know that the rest will follow. And trends come and go but the commitment of a person should be consistent in all of it. I don't have a humongous diamond in my hand, but I have a loving and committed fiancé over here! It works for me. Never make material things an indicator of how much a person loves you because it is not. If a man gives you the time of your life by making an extravagant effort to propose to you in public with that humongous stone, aside from being thankful, make sure to be level-headed still. 

• Some battles you will win, others you just have to concede. Although Martin and I are the main coordinators of our wedding, we recognize and take into account our families' and friends' suggestions. When some of it are not in line with how you envision your wedding to be, think of it in this perspective - they are all just as excited as you are in this momentous event that they tend to go overboard. They don't mean any harm so to maintain peace and order, we formulated this rule- if it will not incur significant cost, then go. But if you will have to shell out a huge amount, then beg off politely.

If I can summarize all these learnings in a short statement that is: the simpler, the better. Life in itself is very complicated so why do we have to include more hurdles in it in the first place? If you are working on a very tight budget, accept it then think of other ways on how you can minimize the cost but still be able to push through with your dream wedding. On the other hand, if you have extra money to spare then choose from a wide range of suppliers. Go with whichever option works for you! As other former brides told me, enjoy the preparation itself because you will miss the adrenaline rush after the wedding. No more stressing yourself out too much because you don't want to look like you aged 10 years older on your big day, right?

You see, preparing for a wedding does not only involve the physical aspect. It also dwells on the emotional and spiritual readiness. I don't ever want to forget this feeling - the happiness, excitement, stress, uncertainty and fulfillment of being a bride. Because one day, I want to look back, to read this article again, to reminisce the good and bad times and to stand proud that we were able to get through this first step together. Is it worth it? It surely is. 💗

(Note: Wedding insider is a series of articles that I will post regarding the happenings related to my marriage. This is hopefully one of the many.)